I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
