i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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