apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
