Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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