guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
