i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
