Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
