one might say we're banned from that church
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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