They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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