last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
