So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
