My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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