Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
