Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
