hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
