i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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