I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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