Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
