pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
