The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
