Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
