that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My vagina is officially offended.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
