You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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