Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
