it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
