half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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