i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
