wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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