Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize