I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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