Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
