I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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