tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
