How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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