We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
