So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
