The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
