Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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