If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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