The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
