They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize