I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
