i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
