I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
