She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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