Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
