Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize