I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
