my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
