When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am mentally ready for anal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
