Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I could fuck to npr.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
