1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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