i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
