Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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