Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
