don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
