It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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