Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
