Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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