At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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