im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
