Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize