The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I understand Curling. That high.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
