I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize