my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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