the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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