I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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