I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
