wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
