Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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