So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
