hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
