UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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