he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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