Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
