I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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