No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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