I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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