Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
