I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
