What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize