just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
