I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
