i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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