I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
